Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Yellow Balloons

"When I grow up, I want to be a mother, 
And have a family! One little, two little, three little babies of my own. 
And I will love them all day long! 
And give them cookies and milk and yellow balloons! 
And cuddle them when things go wrong! 
And read them stories and sing them pretty tunes!

Of all the jobs, for me, there is no other. 
I'll have a family.
Four little, five little, six little babies I can love."

I learned this song as a young girl and used to listen to it all the time and dream, wish and hope about being a mother.

It was about 3 years ago that I thought, while listening to this same song with my children, "What a bunch of lies! Lies, I tell you!"

Having a family is HARD! Is this really the PLAN?

I have been so blessed since then to have been and continue to be taught, mentored and guided by wonderful woman who were not any smarter or braver than I was, but had more KNOWLEDGE than I did at the time. More knowledge about finding JOY in motherhood.

I have learned that a typical day will include, but not be limited to at least 5-10 spills, 1 toilet overflow, 2-4 living room vacuums, 1-2 scrapped knee, lots of dirty laundry, preparing of 3 meals (some, not so balanced) fits, fights, name calling, teasing, lying, tattling, tangled hair, over flowing trash cans, broken toys, overgrown grass, weed-filled gardens, hurt feelings, bad days at school...

...the list goes on and on....and on...

A dear friend reminded my today that we must be diligent and very careful to remember the little tender mercies- or little nuggets that are hidden in each day. Some days they are more hidden than others =)

I am so relieved and comforted with the knowledge now that it doesn't have to be one or the other! Isn't that exciting!! It doesn't have to be all good or all bad.

The cookies may be slightly burnt and the milk might end up being water because you couldn't make it out of your PJ's that day, let alone to the store. The cuddling might be with a sleep deprived mommy and the tunes slightly off key, but they must happen! There has to be balloons-especially yellow ones!

It doesn't matter if you have ONE little or SIX little children of your own..Just remember that your day WILL NOT go smoothly and your laundry pile will never be empty. We can not let those things blind us from seeing the nuggets, the JOY!

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Horrifically Awesome

Acrostic Poem. By Tyler (10 years old). In honor of Mother's Day

Talks  a lot
U R Cool
Always Fun

Here was the conversation after the poem was read;

"Thanks Ty! That was sweet of you. So...you think I talk a lot?"

"Yeah. But that's a good thing."

"Oh, good. So...You think I'm horrific?"

"Yep!" Grinning from ear to ear.

Apparently he believes that horrific is a synonym for awesome...

My son thinks I am horrifically awesome. I'll take it.


Causing horror at the thought of how awesome your mom is.
horrible at being a bad mom - dreadfully gorgeous - frightfuly talented - terrible at ignoring her kids - grisly when she wakes up in the morning (this one is true)


Today was a bad day...nothing happened, really, just a hard day. I had NO motivation to do anything. I would start to clean and then have to stop because it was painfully boring and my heart just wasn't in it. I would sit down to get some work done and my mind would be blank and mushy. I felt tired, grumpy and my muscles felt like jello. Please tell me you know what I am talking about!

But-the thing I love most about today is that I know that it is just a bad day...not a bad life. I am just having a 24 hour period of low...and that the sun will rise again tomorrow and I will be okay.

This may seem simple but I am so happy about this because a couple of years ago I would have been beating myself up over it. I would wonder what was wrong with me and say things to myself like, "Why are you so lazy? You can't sit and read a book-the house will fall apart around you." I love how I have learned to be patient and kind to myself and allow my mind and body to rest and be at ease for a day.

How are you patient and kind to yourself?

Friday, May 3, 2013

Muddy Hands

I was out early one morning before anyone was awake.  Riding my bike, which is my favorite form of exercise!

As I cruised down my favorite hill a particular question that had been overwhelming me the last day or so ran through my mind again, "Will I ever be good enough? Will I ever get it right?"

A particular quote came to my mind that I learned from my mentor, It's not about PERFECTION, it's about PROGRESSION!

And then I heard the still, quiet voice of the spirit, who so eloquently speaks to us on behalf of a loving Heavenly Father say,

"Are you progressing?"

I thought for a moment and then said "Yes..."

"Then don't worry. My child, I need you to be as patient with yourself as I am with you."

Those profound words warmed my heart and I knew that I would be okay, that I was good enough and I was getting it right.

As I am typing this my sweet Dalin came inside looking like this:

"Wash it Mommy!" He pleaded! The playing in the mud was really fun, but the mess it created was not as fun.

I again felt the overwhelming love my Father in Heaven has for me. When we come to him with muddied hands, he doesn't send us away and tell us to figure it out for ourselves...He scoops us up in his arms and carries us to the sink. He washes our hands with soap and warm water, making sure to get any extra mud on our arms and elbows. Then he kisses us on the forehead and sends us off to play again, knowing full well that we will probably get in the mud again.

Thank you, Dalin for teaching me such a timely lesson. It is not about perfection, if it is for you, you will always fail. It is about progression...getting muddy and then knowing where to go to be cleansed.

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Gotta Do It

So...have you ever received a strong prompting to do something and even though you knew it was a good thing to do, you couldn't see how it could possibly fit into your busy life??

This happened to me today. I received a very strong kick in the pants that I needed to start blogging again! It's not that I don't like blogging, I actually love it-but I have so much going on right now that  it seems like one more chore.

This prompting was also a puzzle piece to some pretty crazy feedback that I have received in the last week. I have 2 friends that have both told me the exact same thing about what my "body language" is saying. Both of these ladies are trained in how to read body language and in how to tell what someone is thinking or feeling by their body language. Sound nuts??

Well, I was told by these ladies, on 2 separate occasions (they don't even know each other-so there was no conspiring) that my body language (especially when I cross my arms over my stomach...which I thought I was doing to hide my belly fat...hehe) was communicating that I am trying to keep my light in! I am afraid to show people what is really inside of me.

If I was really honest I would tell you that if I was to show you all that I have learned over the last 2.5 years, all that I have healed from and all that I have done to grow and change...If I was to let that light shine and reveal all of the JOY, HAPPINESS and PEACE that I feel on a daily basis now, you would probably be blinded! But this isn't true! Because I don't have any dumb family or friends and I know that if you are reading this you long for JOY, HAPPINESS and PEACE as much as the next guy. right??

Ever since I can remember, I have always known that I was suppose to PLAY BIG in this life. I have been through some dark, sad times in my life (go to My Journey As a Mother page on this blog to learn more about that) and I have also always known that I went through those times so that I could help other people heal and come out on top. My nature (got to What Type Are You? page to learn more) is soft, and subtle and I move through life with a gentle flow and so I have also struggled with how to show all that is in me without seeming pushy, or too bold.

But a loving Heavenly Father, who has guided me every step of my life, has made it known to me that it is time to take that light I have been trying to hide and let it out! You ready??

I have almost deleted this post about 10 times because I am still scared to let it shine...but here I go!

**Don't forget to check out the last post for a good laugh =)

"Get Your Sword Out of the Fridge!" And Other Crazy Things You'll hear me say

I opened the fridge the other day and there was Dalin's foam sword, conversing with the milk.

Dalin is constantly at my side and so I said to him, "Hey D! Get your sword out of the fridge."

"Okay." He said as he grabbed it, and ran off to hit the dog with it.

There are many times where I have to remind myself to laugh, so that I don't cry.

Like today. When I was putting clothes away upstairs, I heard a lot of giggling, then the sliding glass door opening and then the rushing and splashing of water. I fought my instinct to ignore it...sometimes that seems easier than facing it...but I ran downstairs to find the kitchen floor covered in an inch of water. Kylee (my eye witness) quickly informed me that Malia (5) had been spraying the hose, turned on full blast, at the sliding glass door and that Dalin had his face pressed against the glass, giggling. In his little 2 1/2 year old mind he then wondered what would happen if the glass wasn't there anymore, so he slid the door open. Need I go on??

I am a fairly quiet, low energy lady, by nature, and often times yearn for some peace and quiet...But like any good grandmother will tell you, you must enjoy those little water flinging, sword waving munchkins while you can, before they are grown and gone. (((sigh)))

So instead of crying, we laughed about it and I made sure I documented the experience in my journal so I can tell them about it when they are grown and gone!

***Stay tuned for the story of the night my 7 and 5 year old girls decided to paper mache a balloon in their bedroom at 10 o'clock at night using a homemade concoction of water and flour. Then, when they realized it wasn't working so well decided to have a paper mache flinging party instead. Ever try to clean a mixture of water and flour out of your carpet???  I actually did cry that night.