Sunday, May 11, 2014

Mother's Day

I have not always been a fan of mothers day. When I started having kids I had very extravagant expectations for how this day was suppose to go. I couldn't figure out why I was always going to bed upset on this special day. What was wrong with everyone? Was it really too much to ask that ONE day of the year no one fought, the house stayed clean, I didn't have to change a single diaper and I got exactly what I wanted. I mean, come on! Geesh.

So, yeah, I wasn't a fan. The weeks leading up to each Mother's Day I always prepared myself for disappointment, instead of a "wonderful day" like you see all those mothers post on FB (gag!).

As this Mother's day approached I found myself slipping into the same patterns of expecting the worse. I exchanged the same dialogue with a few people here and there...Mothers Day this and Mothers day that...blah blah blah.

But for some reason I could feel something different about the way I was thinking. I was feeling a little uncomfortable with what I was saying and thinking about this special day. The words didn't feel right in my mouth anymore, I knew that what I was speaking and thinking were wrong. They weren't facts, they were my own "truths" that were in fact, lies.

Whenever this sort of thing happens, were I can feel my paradime shifting, it is always followed up with experiences that help me see the truth. I want to tell you about 2 of those:

#1- I read this post from my dear friend of 24 years:

"Don't expect a gift or a meal or a love letter to make you happy. You've gotta be happy already. You are in charge of your own happiness. All those gifts are a bonus! To be truly happy is the best gift I've ever given myself. And being happy, I can actually enjoy Mother's Day--- but not because of gifts I may receive. From mama to mama... Happy Mother's Day!"

Kari Rangel serves many purposes in my life, but the first is to ground me. If I were to send a pity party invitation to her, she would crumple it up, show up on my door step, kick my butt, tell me to stop my whining and then she'd buy me a snow cone and we'd go shopping (too bad we don't live closer).

Her post hit me and gently began to lead my heart in the right direction. The uncomfortable thoughts and feelings were still there, kind of like a soft, warm, familiar blanket you don't want to let go of, but I could feel something new brewing.

#2- A package arrived, from my mother in law, Robin. I was shocked because I wasn't expecting anything. Inside the package was the most beautiful note and this bracelet.  I sat on the porch and tears poured down my face as I put the delicate bracelet around my wrist and touched each stone, representing each of my angels.
The way she reminded me of the importance of this day and how much she loved me was the final stone I needed in my bridge to see this day for what it really is.

I saw, for the first time, how my selfish expectations  for this day were poising it for me, and how each and every Mother's Day, despite what my husband and children did, I was getting exactly what I expected.

This bridge was allowing me to remember what an honor and blessing it is to be a mother. I don't need anything, or anyone to remind me how much I love being a mother. I have devoted my life to 5 little people and I am so grateful for them. I was waiting all these years for them to honor me and to show me how important my role was and how much they appreciated what I did.

But that wasn't their responsibility. Like Kari said, "You gotta be happy already!"

Mother's Day will now be a day I will honor my children, as their mother. I will take this day to truly see them for how lovely and perfect they really are. I will take a moment longer to look into their eyes and remember the love and respect that they deserve. I will see my husband as the amazing partner he is to me and how he so effortlessly glides through life with me, as their Father...

...Then, all the hand drawn cards, home made presents and walmart flowers will be so sweet and so precious...The icing!

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