Sunday, May 25, 2014

Was Life Always This Good?

I took a nap today (it felt amazing! I love naps) and upon waking I had this thought pop into my head,  "Was life always this good?"

I came downstairs to my sweet children and my poor sick husband and started to make dinner. I usually HATE (notice the all caps) making dinner, but found my self enjoying it (don't tell anyone). All the windows were open and the fresh air smelt so good! It got me reflecting.

When I first started on my journey of finding answers and learning different ways to deal with and get support for my depression and anxiety I noticed that there was a certain stigma. It's like most people suffered in some way or another with depression, anxiety, bipolar or just bad days, but no one wanted to talk about it. No one wanted to support each other or admit that they weren't perfect.

I determined early on in my healing that I would talk about it as much as I could.  The more whole I became, the more I wanted share. I try to take every opportunity I can to share my story. I write about it, talk about it when I am teaching classes about essential oils (oils are one of MANY methods I attribute to my healing), I ask every new mom I know if they are struggling with "baby blues". In my own small way, I am determined to tear down the walls of that stigma.

Depression robs you of JOY, it literally changes your brain chemistry and the vibration of your body, making your sluggish, foggy and "down". You are void, in most ways, of seeing the bright side and identifying problems and fixing them. Most of the things in life that should have made me happy where my burdens, and even if I didn't see it as a burden I didn't have the mental capacity to even hold the JOY, because I was so full of negativity and hopelessness.

So...back to my post nap thought. Was life always this good, and I just wasn't aware of it? Yes! It was this good. It was amazing. My kids are amazing. My husband is amazing. My jobs are amazing. Now, please don't confuse this with perfect. James and I have our share of problems and our kids fight and say naughty words just like every one else. I have really hard days and feel alone, resentful and overwhelmed a lot. But despite all of those normal emotions and things that fill our life, I feel a peace that is indescribable. My head is clear and my heart is full. It is what makes nights like tonight so blissful: sitting in the back yard, eating taco's, making silly videos, laughing and teasing each other.

It was always this good. I am so glad I know it now.

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