Why I Love Eeyore

My whole life I have simultaneously felt so sorry for eeyore and related to him. Remember when he would lose his tail? Then one of his friends would find it lying around and pin it back on his rear! Then he would always say, in that low, monotone voice, "No matter. Most likely lose it again."

Oh Eeyore!

My friend made an observation of the me the other day and said that I "wear my worries on my skin." I was really troubled by that comment and it took me a minute to process it. I didn't take offense, because she was simply making an observation, but it really got me thinking.

 I am a pessimist by nature. Always have been...sorry my friends but that glass, ya know the one with the water in it...it's half empty. BUT I pride myself on the fact that I fight, each day to be happy, that I am careful of the way I speak and think and the things I fill my time with. I want others to see me as a happy, joyful person who tries hard to be a good mom, wife and friend.

Lately I have been feeling a bit more like Eeyore than normal..."No matter, I've already lost my mind and will most likely lose it tomorrow, too."

The single greatest challenge I experience is remembering to be patient with myself! To honor my nature and to see what I use to think where my greatest weaknesses as my greatest God-given strengths. Yup, I probably will lose my mind again tomorrow, but that's okay. I have piglets and tigers and Pooh's in my life to help me reattach it. They see me for who I am and love me despite all that. So I may wear my worries on my skin more than some people, but that is me.

My sweet Kylee was with me when my friend made this comment and she responded with wisdom beyond her years by saying, "That is who you are mom. You worry. Worry is what makes you you. You worry so much because you care so much, and that is why people are attracted to you and love you." Isn't she a peach!!

Which Winney the Pooh character are you? There's one for everyone!

James is Pooh! awwwwww

Kylee is Owl, of course!

 Tyler is Rabbit.

Baily is T-I-double G-ER!

Malia is Piglet to a "T".

Dalin is our Roo.

Today I Met an Angel

Today I got to meet an angel! A long awaited for little baby was born yesterday, July 13th. The proud and wonderful parents of baby Emma Nicole are my brother-in-law and his wife. Emma was bundled up so tightly in 3 hospital blankets, in the traditional burrito-style roll that you need a degree in baby swaddling to re-do. She had a precious knitted hat on her tiny head.

I have only seen my husband cry a handful of times, and this was one of them, as he held his first niece (on his side of the fam.) It was magical. I can't wait to watch her grow up! What a wonderful addition to our family.

They don't want this little princess on the world wide web just yet, so here is a picture of James holing her...He was beaming!

The rest of my day was pretty uneventful. I finished painting Dalin's room-It only took me three days because everything has to be done in little increments around here. It is "pirate blue", as Dalin calls it. I will put the finishing touches on his pirate themed room this week; black and white stripped curtains, some art work and other fun piratey things!

Next is Kylee's room. Corral and Aqua with something like this muraled across the wall.

And then the little girls room...We're still not sure of the colors for that one. This house is getting a makeover! Painting is exhausting.

Now, time for a date with Netflix =)

Sharing

I was out on my morning run today. I love these runs...Even though most of the time I feel like passing out...I do love the way my heart pounds and my muscles scream. I do my best thinking on these runs. I love the way my mind feels open and free.

I had been pleading with God this last week to help me understand why I have been feeling so heavy-hearted lately...anxious...looking over my shoulder for the next bad thing to happen. I use to live every day like this and so these feelings are very familiar to me, and ones that I fight everyday to stay on top of. I had been asking questions like,  "Why am I feeling this way? Was it a warning, an impression of some sort? What was I doing or not doing in my life to be stuck in this negative thought pattern? And I found myself going over these questions again as I blazed crawled along.

I love God. I love how he listens to me and answers me. He waited to answer this particular question until I was in the still of nature, running along the beautiful mountain roads of North Ogden, Utah.

His answer came to me in my own thoughts, as it almost always does. "Your heart is heavy because you are not sharing. You are not sharing the oils and you are not sharing your story of healing, hope, peace and JOY! You are not sharing the wealth of knowledge I have given you. Remember when I promised to heal you and teach you how to be happy? Remember that you promised me if I would do those things that you would share what you learn with others? Remember?"

My heart did 2 things almost simultaneously....It rejoiced as it always does when I hear God's instructions to me, and then it sank...He was right. I wasn't sharing. I was too busy...busy with GOOD things, mind you...slathering sunscreen, cooking meals, cleaning fingerprints off walls, etc. etc. But He was right.

I am happiest when i am sharing.

Remember when you were little and your mom would say over and over again, "Share your toys! Share your candy! Share share share!" I say that to my kids all the time. Sharing is so IMPORTANT. Why??? Because when we share, we are happier. It's a weird phenomenon how taking something from yourself and giving it away can grow your heart and melt away your cares. But it does, doesn't it?

It was no coincidence that my wonderful friend came over today with her 2 boys and we let the kids play while she picked at my brain and I SHARED with her the tools I had learned on how to be happy. It was awesome. She left feeling hope and she left me feeling happy. Thank you Father for knowing me so well and reminding me of your promise.

Isn't God amazing?

Heaven is Here

I am listening to the book Heaven is Here, by Stephanie Nielson. It is a heart-wrenching autobiography. Stephanie and her husband were in a plane crash in 2008 and she was burned over 80% of her body. See her story here.

In the beginning of the book she talks about how she met her husband, married and started having their family. The tender way she talks about her sweet husband and each of her children is so touching. It has truly inspired me to slow down. To take time to really see my children, each one of them, and my husband who does so much and gives so much. In the chaos of each day I need to remember what is important and what memories I am creating for my family. That is really all that matters.

Thinking back on today I remember the things that I saw with my eyes, but am now just seeing with my heart...

Like just now, when Dalin climbed on my lap while I was sitting in bed, writing this post and curled up and fell asleep, enveloped in my lush blanket. He felt completely safe. He completely trusts me. He knows so little of the world, and through his almost 4 year old eyes I am his world, his rock. There is nothing in this world that compares to kissing his warm cheeks when he is asleep.

Or the time I went downstairs to get some water after I had tucked the kids into their sleeping bags in the living room to watch a movie and found Kylee, face down on top of the counter with her long legs hanging off the edge taking funny pictures of herself and giggling at each one. She has this amazing ability to be happy and to see good.

I remember this morning when James gathered us for scripture reading and then loaded up all 5 kids to take them to lunch in the park.  I did not fully appreciate his service until now. I was just concerned with how much free time I would have, not the sacrifices he was making being gone all morning and then heading straight to work some overtime. He is always so compassionate and loving toward me!

My eyes saw, and my heart is now basking in the memory of looking out the window this afternoon to see Baily. She had shimmied up the tree and out onto a sturdy branch. She was rigging the sprinkler hose so that it sprayed down on the trampoline like a shower so that her, Malia and Dalin could jump in their swimming suits. She is so bright and determined. I never have to worry if something will get done with Baily, she does anything she puts her mind to and she does it with a smile!

Malia had been asking me all day to glue her My Little Pony wing that was falling off. She cherishes her pony's and so I told her of course I would, and to put it on the counter so I wouldn't forget. After a couple more reminders I finally grabbed the pony. After discovering we didn't have any glue that would work on plastic I took some purple duct tape and bandaged the wing, good as new. When I handed it to her, she looked over the wing and gasped. I thought for sure she would be upset at my work, but than wrapped her arms around me and thanked me for fixing her pony! My heart melted as her and her pony fluttered away.

Then there is my Tyler. We were watching a show all together after dinner and I was starting to "zone out" after my busy day. It took me a couple of minutes to realize that the body I felt nestled against mine was my tall, thin boy. He had found a little nook to sneak into and was resting his head against my shoulder with his arm wrapped around my arm. I kissed the top of his head, "Hi Ty!" I said, in my usual greeting to him, smoothing his hair. He looked up at me with his huge smile and those electrifying blue eyes.

My life is far from perfect. I cringe when people sugar coat everything and make their lives look so glamorous, but what Stephanie Nielson reminded me of in her book, is that life doesn't have to be perfect for us to see all the good! There is so much good!

My Love for Wyoming

We took a trip to Wyoming and just got back today.

What can I say about Wyoming? I drove through it once as a young married woman and all I saw were sage brush and I remember a ton of wind. Meh...wasn't my thing. That was, until my brother and sister-in-law (sister from another mister) decided to up and move to Pinedale, WY after we had finally convinced them to move to Utah a couple of years before (rude, right?).

That is when my eyes were opened to the beauty that is Wyoming. The first thing I noticed about Wyoming was the clouds. I have a bit of a fascination with clouds, especially Cumulus clouds! Ya know, the ones that are so heavenly puffy and white and have a flat bottom!!! Like these!

They get my heart racing and speak to my soul. So, there's the clouds...and no air pollution! (((((breath)))))))) These fill the skies almost everyday.

Then there are the Lakes...so many lakes! And the forests around Pinedale are covered in Aspen (my fav tree) and pine trees.  It's paradise.

Then there are the people! So nice and friendly. People actually make eye contact with you and don't flip you off if you sneeze wrong or cut them off. Time slows down when you are there. It really does feel like you are in a different world.

In Pinedale we went horseback riding, kayaked, camped, hiked, had great food and spent time with Troy and his rock star family.

Let's talk for a minute about Jackson Hole! It is a huge tourist town, so if that isn't your thing, you've been warned...but it is A-Mazing! The city itself is quaint and adorable, with lots of shopping and fun things to to. It is just another reason why Wyoming is so great.

In Jackon Hole we played with lots of cousins, Aunts, Uncles and family, ate amazing food, hiked Jenny Lake in the Grand Tetons (5 mile hike which seemed like 100 miles with all the kids), did a couple runs of the Alpine Slides (you take a ski lift to the top of a mountain and then slide down a water-slide-looking-thing on a little sled with a brake. It is totally radical. (yeah, I am bringing back radical), then we hopped over to Yellowstone where we saw Old Faithful do her thing. It was lovely.

Now...enjoy some photos =) and then get online and book a trip!

 My siblings, Tami, Troy, Tara and me

 Malia and her other half...Zachary

 Me...just posing with a statue of a scared hunter...ya...I know it does't make sense to me either.

 Kylee and Dalin getting eaten by a bear

 Kylee doing her thang with a great view of Jenny Lake and the Tetons.

 Kylee, me and my mommy. Three generations right there.

 Some cute cousins

 My dad, the mountain man and Dalin

 The water fall that feeds into Jenny Lake and the 2 of the best hikers you ever did see!

 Tyler and his other half-Troy Jr.

 James and I. Awwwwww

 Waiting to go down a second time on the Alpine slide.

 YELLOWSTONE!!!

 Old Faithful

 James and I enjoying our anniversary and some time alone (Thanks Troy and Rae for keeping the kids)

 Getting our horse back riding on! Boy-were we sore after our 2 hour ride!

 The adorable little cabin we stayed in on our last night alone. Cute as a button!

You Are Looking in the Wrong Place

I just finished the most amazing book! The Traveler's Gift, by Andy Andrews.

I really don't read books, unless I have to, I listen to them. I have this great little app called Audible on my phone and I listen to books while I am doing house/yard work, exercising or driving. It's great. The subtitle to this book is: Seven Decisions That Determine Personal Success. The book, written as a novel, is powerful, entertaining and thought-provoking.

I took many things from this book but the one sentence that keeps playing over and over in my mind is this, "Don't compare yourself to others, compare yourself to your potential."

This really hit me. I have been on a journey the last 6 months to really understand and feel for myself what my potential is. My Father in Heaven has given me some intense and painful growing experiences in these last 6 months and I know, with 100% surety, that he is allowing me to see my potential and what he expects me to accomplish in this life.

Most of the time all I can see is how far I am from it and how much work I need to do to get there, but the more I stop comparing myself to others and keep comparing myself to my potential, the easier I think it will be to daily act on the things I need to do as a mother, wife, friend, business owner and all the other hats I wear.

There is a chapter in the book where the main character gets to go back in time and meet Christopher Columbus. He is on the ship with them, 60 or so days into their voyage. The crew is at their breaking point and sick of hearing Christopher say every morning,  "I see Land! I see it, look? Just there at the horizon!" when, day after day, all they wake up to is ocean and sky.

When the main character questions Christopher, because clearly, there is no land, Christopher says something like, "You are looking in wrong place, don't look out at the ocean, look here, in my eyes. I see land!"

Christopher knew he would find land, and he held that belief for everyone else who doubted. That is what our Father, our God, our Creator does for us. He holds that space for us, that crystal clear bottle brimming with brilliance and beauty and goodness and love and he asks us to look to Him, not others for the surety that we are great and that we can do great things. He created us, He knows our potential and He believes in us, even, and most especially when we don't believe in ourselves.

Was Life Always This Good?

I took a nap today (it felt amazing! I love naps) and upon waking I had this thought pop into my head,  "Was life always this good?"

I came downstairs to my sweet children and my poor sick husband and started to make dinner. I usually HATE (notice the all caps) making dinner, but found my self enjoying it (don't tell anyone). All the windows were open and the fresh air smelt so good! It got me reflecting.

When I first started on my journey of finding answers and learning different ways to deal with and get support for my depression and anxiety I noticed that there was a certain stigma. It's like most people suffered in some way or another with depression, anxiety, bipolar or just bad days, but no one wanted to talk about it. No one wanted to support each other or admit that they weren't perfect.

I determined early on in my healing that I would talk about it as much as I could.  The more whole I became, the more I wanted share. I try to take every opportunity I can to share my story. I write about it, talk about it when I am teaching classes about essential oils (oils are one of MANY methods I attribute to my healing), I ask every new mom I know if they are struggling with "baby blues". In my own small way, I am determined to tear down the walls of that stigma.

Depression robs you of JOY, it literally changes your brain chemistry and the vibration of your body, making your sluggish, foggy and "down". You are void, in most ways, of seeing the bright side and identifying problems and fixing them. Most of the things in life that should have made me happy where my burdens, and even if I didn't see it as a burden I didn't have the mental capacity to even hold the JOY, because I was so full of negativity and hopelessness.

So...back to my post nap thought. Was life always this good, and I just wasn't aware of it? Yes! It was this good. It was amazing. My kids are amazing. My husband is amazing. My jobs are amazing. Now, please don't confuse this with perfect. James and I have our share of problems and our kids fight and say naughty words just like every one else. I have really hard days and feel alone, resentful and overwhelmed a lot. But despite all of those normal emotions and things that fill our life, I feel a peace that is indescribable. My head is clear and my heart is full. It is what makes nights like tonight so blissful: sitting in the back yard, eating taco's, making silly videos, laughing and teasing each other.

It was always this good. I am so glad I know it now.

Snow Cones and Fire Pits

Our favorite little shaved ice place opened up yesterday for the summer! Northern Ice serves the 2nd best shaved ice snow cones (the first best is in St. George-soooooo delicious) If you have never had a shaved ice snow cone...well, I am sorry for you =( They are so good!

Last night at their opening they had a luau with all sorts of yummy food, unlimited shaved ice and a photo booth. So we enjoyed our snow cones, got sufficiently sticky and then headed over to the photo booth.

Then we came home and enjoyed James' early birthday present, a new fire pit. We had so much fun and I found myself on several occasions overwhelmed with a feeling of gratitude for these awesome people I get to call my family. They make me better. They make me laugh. They make me happy.